Labels

I've often been told that I'm a hard person to please.  That may be true in some cases, but in this one I am very easy to please.

This case that I am talking about is labels.  We label our merchandise that we buy in stores, off the internet, at a dealership and we as a nation... Nah!  We as the whole world label people.  We label people who have disabilities, who are of different nationality, who are of different religions, and who are a part of the LGBTQ community.  We label other people.

When people meet me for the first time and I'm super polite and courteous, they assume that I'm gay.  When I'm not nice or courteous, they assume that I'm another typical heterosexual male adult.  It ticks me right off that people assume things about you when they haven't gotten to know the real you.

It shouldn't matter that I'm attracted to other men, or that Susie can't read, or that Anne doesn't eat red meat, or that Donny is of different colour skin, or that Billy can't walk, is of different colour skin, doesn't work on Sunday's, is attracted to the same sex and can't read well.

We are who we are.  Don't fit us into a label just to please your narrow mind.  We all deserve to be loved for who we are.  Don't assume anything.  A wise person once said, "Don't assume.  Because when you assume, you make an ass out of you and me."

We all are more than labels.  We as humans are not to be stereotyped against.  Just because I'm ubber polite doesn't mean you can label me as gay.  I am polite, I am nice, I am me.  I am Josh.

We all have names.  Get to know them and call us by our names.  Let's eliminate labels from humans.

Lost

I'm losing too many friends too fast and it feels like I'm slowly fading away into darkness.  It feels like a piece of me disappears everytime I lose someone that I care about and love.  My soul, body and mind are getting weaker.  I don't know what to do anymore.  I try so hard to please everyone, but I only end up getting hurt in the end.  I call out for help, but my voice gets drowed out by the noise of the world.  I try to calm myself, only to notice that I lose another friend.  This vicious cycle that I'm on can't be stopped.  The vicious cycle that keeps me from finding hope, truth, and love.  I try so hard and am getting tired.

It's getting darker the farther I go on.  I try to shine my light but it gets swallowed up by the darkness that's surrounding me.  I try to scream, to make a noise, but my voice goes mute.  I'm tired of trying, of compromising all the time.

I can no longer see the light, nor can I feel it any longer.

I'm losing my will to fight.

I'm... losing... strength.

Losing... will..........

Empathy

After a recent encounter with this myself, I felt compelled to write this blog in honour of it.  For those who don't believe, please don't read this post as I truly believe in this and in Karma.

It is said that friends enter your life from time to time.  It is also said that best friends are for life.  Best friends know when you are sad before you do, they know when you're calling, they think of you and you know that they are in your heart.  It's said that even though you go long periods of time without speaking, you know what each are thinking just by closing your eyes.  Some call this phenomenon a coincidence, others call it empathy.  For some empathy means the ability to understand someone's feelings and situation without predujice or putting your own feelings in replace of others'.  Others consider empathy the ability to tell when someone whom you share a connection with is hurt and you feel it as well.

In a recent encounter, I felt such a pain that only could have been felt by someone either being beaten or killed.  Thankfully, it was the first of the two.  One of my friends whom I share a deeper connection with than either of us know, recently had an encounter with bandits and was jumped and beaten.  He is alright; a little shaken up, but alright. 

I felt pain but dismissed it as just hunger pains.  Later that night, I got a message from him to call him.  When I called, I could feel a sense of hurt and worry over the phone.  That's when he told me that he had been jumped and beaten.

Spirit doesn't like when we talk about our experiences like these.  But, as I said in the beginning, I felt compelled to write this.  As if Spirit wan't me to tell you all.

I do believe that there are people who are able to predict future events, people who can sense empathy, and people who can truly see and talk with Spirit.  For those who don't believe, please don't leave hateful messages.  Just take a moment to think of events that have happened in your life.  Have we not all once felt something was wrong before we knew what was going on?  Have we not all had a major sense of deja vu?  Have we all not thought we saw someone who we were sure was there, only to have others say that there isn't anyone there?

With that thought, I leave you.

Thank you, peace. <3

Josh

The Longer the Better?

So, I haven't updated the blog in a while.  I'm sorry.  But I have to say that I am very surprised that I had so many views in June.  I was just looking at the stas on my blog and I noticed that in June of this year alone, I had 75 views.  WOW!  Thank you to those who have read my blogs.  Unfortunately, none of you have commented.  So again.  If you wish to comment on my blogs, and I encourage you to, you can friend me on Facebook; Joshua Morrison, or email me at jdmorrison@live.ca.  Just make sure that if you email me to put the blog title as your subject.

Moving on.  I had fun at Pride Toronto 2012.  Although I wouldn't do it agin, I enjoyed myself.  The reason I wouldn't do it again is because it was just TOOOOO busy for me.  I like crowds, don't get me wong.  It's just Pride Toronto was too crowded for me.  I had people almost puching me and I had people being punched all around me.  You'd think that people would be calmer and more polite.  But, nope!

I dyed my hair blonde and put a red streak down the middle for Pride, and the red streak is still in.  I'm hoping that when I get my hair cut this month, that it will disappear.  Here's to hoping.

I have decided to delete my profiles on all dating sites that I'm on.  (Okay, not all.  I'm trying eHarmony's site for gays, Compatible Partners.  Just for a while.)  I have also decided that I should probably go for my instructor's licence to teach people how to drive.  (WATCH OUT!!!  Just kidding.)  Lately, people have been asking me to help them learn to drive standard because I know how to drive stick.  True I may know how to drive standard, but I'm no legal teacher.  I can tell you the basics, but as driving comes in.  Forget about it.  (See what I did there?  Famous quote.)

I've been trying to get back in shape also.  Whey Powder and watching what I eat.  Oh, and walking more too.  Hopefully I can get to my goal weight of 175 lbs by February 2013.  That's my goal.  Is it realistic?  You tell me.

I have also decided that I should focus less on the negative and more on the positive.  I'm working on balancing everything.

One last thing.  I'm running out of ideas for blogs.   I need your help.  Submit your ideas to me.  I will select one each week.  Email your ideas to:

Subject: Ideas For Blogs
jdmorrison@live.ca


This time, I'm opening up the ideas to you.  I've been having way too many brain farts lately.  (Hahaha!  Brain farts!  LOL!)

Seriously!  Have you seen the things I come up with?!  I need help, DESPERATELY!!!!

(Who writes this stuff?)

Let me know.

Talk to you later.  Peace!

<3

Pride 2012

So as you may or may not be aware, I have recently come out as being gay publicly on my Facebook wall. I have the honor and joy to be a part of Pride Toronto 2012. I will be helping out at the PFLAG booth in Toronton by Church and Isabella and then volunteering as a Roaming Ambassador to help keep Pride Toronto a safe place. This is my first time helping out at any Pride event, let alone being so open about who I am. I wrote a little speech for the main big parade to happen on Sunday, July 1st. It goes something like this: "Today we celebrate who we are and stand up against a society that deems us unworthy of marrying who we love. Today is just one of many to come that will change society's view and that will allow everyone to welcome us with open arms and say, " We accept and love you."  Today we march for equal love and for equal rights."  - Joshua D. Morrison I hope to see some of you blog buddies out there.

Predicting the future? June 7

How do you feel about the unknown?  What would you say if someone said that they could predict the future? What would you ask about the future?  Do you think that people can predict the future?

Those questions have created a lot of controversy over the past years.  Some people say that no one can predict the future, that the future is full of unknowns and variables.  Others say that you can predict the future.  Or at least see possibilities of one's future, depending on their actions and mind sets.

Over the past few years, I've dabbled in the concept that people can in fact see possibilities of the future.  Heck, I've even had people give me Tarot cards that I've played with.  The question still remains though.  Can people predict the future?  And if they can, is it set in stone or can we get a chance to change it?

A few of my close friends and family have said that they have been able to see things before they happen and then change the outcome.  For instance, my one friend went down to New York for a family vacation for a week.  They were supposed to down there from September 7 to September 11, 2001.  He said that on Sunday night, while at a restaurant he had a strange day dream.  He said that he saw the twin towers falling down in rubble and people were running and screaming.  He told his mom and dad that they needed to leave first thing in the morning and that he couldn't explain why but he had a bad feeling that something bad was going to happen.  So, his family boarded the plane to come back to Canada.  Tuesday morning, he turned on the news and saw his day dream on television.

So, was he receiving a "premonition", as they call it, or was it just dumb luck?

What are your thoughts on it.  Let me know in the comments, through Facebook, Twitter or email.

First Time Ever - July 6

So, Pride Week here in Durham is almost over.  Flag raising was on Monday and Pride Parade is Sunday, June 10 from 1-3pm.  And Pride Week in Toronto is June 22 to July 1.  Truly exciting.

I'm going to be apart of the Pride Durham's 2nd annual Pride Parade for the first time.  On top of that, I'm going to be apart of the Pride experience for the first time ever in my life.  Words cannot begin to describe how I feel about this.

I'm going to going with my favourite aunt in the whole world.  And I'm going to be dying my hair for Pride!  I'm so excited right now.

I will be posting pictures on my Facebook as well as Twitter and, of course, on here.  Bellow is the link to my Facebook and my Twitter name.  I want you to be apart of this experience with me.

Also, it's come to my attention that a few people would like to comment on some of my posts but they don't want to create an account.  Not a problem.  I will be including my email address as well.  So, if you want to comment on my posts you can just shoot me an email.  Please put the title of the blog in the subject so I know what you're talking about.


Facebook:  www.facebook.com/joshuamorrison91
Twitter:  @JoshMorrison91
Email:  jdmorrison@live.ca

Shelter

So I recently had a video recommended to me by a couple of friends who are straight.  The title of the movie is called "Shelter".  It was released in 2007.


It's about a boy, Zach who has to put his dream about going to art school to work and help his older sister Jeanne, his ailing father and his five-year-old nephew Cody.  When Zach isn't working, he's hanging with his buddy Gabe.  When Gabe’s older brother Shaun comes back home from Los Angeles for a few weeks, Zach and Shaun develop a close friendship as they go surfing together. Shaun, who is a published writer, encourages Zach to take control of his life and pursue his ambition of going to CalArts, a large state university of the arts. One night after surfing Zach and Shaun share a kiss, however Zach is not prepared to give in to his feelings immediately. Nevertheless, their friendship soon develops into a romance, while at the same time Shaun builds a strong bond with Cody.

When Jeanne learns that Zach has been spending time with Shaun, she warns Zach that Shaun is gay and to keep Cody away from him. Though his sister is reluctant to accept that Zach himself might be gay, both Gabe and Tori are supportive. Zach and Shaun's relationship is then strained by his sense of obligation to support his family versus his relationship with Shaun and his desire to pursue his own dreams. Zach is confused as to what he really wants.

Shaun secretly submits Zach's art school application, and Zach is eventually accepted on full scholarship. When Jeanne's boyfriend Alan gets a job in Portland, requiring her to move and leave Cody behind with Zach, Zach is forced to decide between putting others first and neglecting his own dreams—as he has always done—and fighting for what he truly wants, both for himself and Cody. He finally discovers that affirming his love for Shaun and going forward with his art career ends up providing the best solution to his dilemma. The film ends with a scene of Zach, Shaun, and Cody playing together on the beach as a family.

It's a good movie.  When you get a chance, I recommend it to all.  

Is this real?

Okay, so I've been talking to this guy for a while now and I think it's going good. We have some similar interests and we seem to be hitting things off. This is the first guy that I've actually talked to since coming out and I feel something between us. He's hinted a couple of times that he's going out on dates and I feel a weird feeling. A feeling of dumbfoundedness and, I guess you could call it jealousy. We've been talking for the past month and a bit and, as I said before, I feel something between us but when he tells me he's going out I sometimes ask myself if what I feel is real. I'm asking for help. I need to help figuring out if what I'm feeling for this guy is real love or if it's just lust. I use the word love because I think that's what I'm feeling for him. Is this for real, real love or just lust?

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Sorry for the late post.  I can explain.  

I've been deep in thought.  I have been since I got back from visiting my grandma at 10 pm.  I was just thinking about how far along I've come in my life.  Hiding from the bullies that I faced walking home everyday after school and hiding from myself.  I always thought that I was being who I truly am.  But it was all a lie.

Every night when I came home from school, I would sit in my room and wonder what it would be like to just disappear from the world.  What it would feel like if I just went to sleep and never woke up.  It wasn't that long ago either.  Maybe about 4 or 5 years ago.

Since I've come out, things have changed.  I see the world in a different light now.  I see now that I was hiding from being who I am, not because I wanted to fit in with all the "normal" boys.  But from the truth.  I was afraid of what I would become if I admitted to myself outloud, that I was gay.  That from the moment of conception, my life was different than the other boys. I am gay.

I have to say that I am appalled at myself and some of my family.  Appalled at myself because I knew I was gay when I was 6.  True, that may be a little too early to know for sure.  But I knew then and it took me 15 years to admit and accept it.  And appalled at some of my family because they still can't see me for who I am.  I still have some of them asking me if I'm sure.  Well of course I'm sure.  It's not a decision that I made one morning.  It's not like I woke up one day and said to myself, "Hey.  I think I'm going to be something that has hate speech and people's ignorance attached to it.  I think I'm going to swim against the current."

No.  It's who I am.  If you can't accept that, then I don't need your negative attitude.  Yes it may take some time for some people to come to terms that their brother, cousin, nephew and grandson isn't going to marry a girl.  But if you have to keep asking if I'm sure that I'm gay, then, and I'm sorry if this sounds mean and harsh and intolerant, but I don't need you in my life right now.

I'm happy with who I am.  I'm happy now that I've embraced the truth about myself.  I'm happy that I no longer have that gnawing voice in my head who's always doubting every decision that I make.  I'm happy with just being me.

It Gets Better

Growing up, I knew I was different.  I was bullied and picked on for being different.  I believed the words that were thrown at me day after day as I walked down the halls at school.  I was even hung out a window one day at school for being different.  I believed that I wasn't society's definition of "normal".  For not being one of the heterosexuals, that I wasn't going to be loved by anyone.  And even the words that were thrown at me by my mother's religion.  I was told by her day after day that being homosexual was a sin and that homosexuals would die in the judgement of God.

I went through my teenage years questioning my sexuality.  I decided, with some help from friends, to come out to my family.  So on February 29, 2012, I decided to come out.  Since I've come out, things have gotten better.  I'm here to say that things get better.

Things do get better.  Check out the Trevor project, or call Kids Help Phone.  Call 1-888-668-6868 and follow the link bellow to a video for the Trevor project.

It gets better.

http://youtu.be/hQk7ZHPTcQI

Sigourney Weaver

Recently I watched Sigourney Weaver who portrayed Mary Griffith in "Prayers For Bobby", a movie about Bobby Griffith.  Bobby Griffith commited suicide due to his mother's righteous intolerance for the word "gay". 

After Mary lost her son, she undergoes a life changing experience as she explores the world that her son was apart of. 

That is only a small portion of what the movie is truly about.  It is a wonderful movie and I recommend it to all.  Please pay attention to it as it brings you through the emotions and ups and downs of the Griffith family. 

Most Beautiful Video Made

I watched a beautiful and emotional video on May 29.  It was made by a wonderful man who goes by the name of Shane Bitney Crone.  He lost the love of his life on May 6, 2011.  Tom Bridegroom fell off a ledge while doing a photo shoot for a friend.

The video is called "It could happen to you" and it is extremely moving.  A must watch from me.

First ever

I invite you to read along as I bring you through my life's journey of self discovery.  Not all my posts will be about me.  I'll be posting about different other things.  If I post something that you like, please leave a comment.  I encourage you to.

Let me start by saying that my life hasn't been easy this far.  To be honest, I don't think anyone's life is or has been easy.  I've been bounced around from day to night and dragged through the days' never ending trials, just to be here today.  Me.  To be who I am today.

I have to say, also, that I've been tossed curve ball after curve ball.  Each one hitting me harder and harder.  I guess somewhere down the line, I've developed some tough skin.  (Not tough as nails tough, but tough enough to withstand what life has dealt me this far.)

For many of us, the game begins at an early age.  For me, it started as soon as I was born.  Many of us go through day to day discovering little by little who they are.  I was thrown into who I am from the moment I was born that Tuesday morning 21 years ago.  A self that I refused to admit.

Up until I was 5, I was relying on my parents to tell me right from wrong, and good from bad.  But the day I turned 6, I knew something was different about me, something that set me apart, something that was wrong,  something that was bad.  No matter what I did for the next 8 years, I knew I wasn't like all the boys my age.  I knew something was up, and so did my mom and dad.  They knew before I knew, before I was born.  From the moment of conception.  They knew that their first born baby was not "normal".

Now, I'm purposely skipping over the 10 years because way too much happened in those 8 years than I would like to tell at this time.  At 16, I got my drivers licence and was doing well in school, despite the constant bullying.  Fast forward age 18.  I was left behind by girlfriends past.  Left alone and forgotten in a tiny dark hole.  I couldn't see light, no matter where I looked.  No light, no hope.  That is until I took 2 years off of school.  I was happy, healthy and brimming with positive energy.

September of 2011, I decided to attend the local college.  I met really good friends and they helped me get through some very small issues.  But, one day I was suddenly overwhelmed with the same lost and forgotten feeling I had when I was 18.  I talked to some of my friends and they suggested I talk to my mom and dad and tell them the truth.  That I wasn't their perfect little boy anymore.  I told them about me.  I told them about the secrets that I held deep inside myself.

They knew.  They were supportive.  They still are.  I thought I saw a glimmer of light up above my head in the tiny dark hole.  But it was gone as quick as it had appeared.  I felt a stronger sense of emptiness and loneliness than I've ever felt in my life.  I dropped out of college and moved in with my dad.

And that brings us to today.

I will be updating my blog with the 10 years between as well as other interesting news of today's world.

So for now, May your love never cease, your knowledge ever increase, and your fire never go out!